Who will the next pope be?
For the first time in six centuries (that’s almost as old as Madonna), a pope has resigned. Some say Pope Benedict XVI was too old, and some say he was out of touch with the Catholic church. Others say he wasn’t spending damn near enough time with the choir boys. Well, who’s going to run the Vatican now? Here are my best and worst candidates for pope:
NOMINATIONS FOR POPE 2013:
Lady Gaga: Because she isn’t afraid to wear a crazy hat. There’s nothing she Vatican’t do.
Emperor Palpatine: Because sometimes you get bored of tending to your death star full time. No one would ever notice the switcheroo.
Eggs Benedict XVII: Because it’s a delicious brunch option that comes in many flavors and colors. This Pope Benedict will probably be really against racism, and, you know, dinner.
Lemmy Kilmister (Motorhead): He’s done it before; he’ll do it again.
Your gynaecologist: Because they never forget your annual Pope test.
DISENDORSEMENTS FOR POPE 2013
Pope John Paul II: He dead.
Mary Poppins: She’d put the ‘pop’ in ‘pope’, and that just doesn’t sound supercalifragilisticexpialodocious to me.
Squirrel-pope: He’s just a bad priest.
Crazy cat lady: She thought the job posting said ‘Cat-aholic priest wanted’.
Special thanks to Vyv for inspiring me to write on a pope-related subject. Check out her delicious treats, Batman, and insightful and entertaining tales at www.vyvacious.com. Awesome.
Credit to my friend Steve for Squirrel-pope.
EDIT: Here’s one more for you: