Why hire a psychic when you have a hairdresser?

10677723-female-hairdresser-working-with-hair-dryerEvery now and then, I’ll overhear a conversation that somewhat concerns me.

“You should really see my psychic.”

“Oh, I’ve got this great psychic; you’ll just love her.”

“He’s really good–trust me, see him once and you’ll never look back.”

You have a psychic. In this day and age. Really–did I hear you correctly? I know you’re not talking about a ‘one-time thing’ where you and your friend were drunk on mulled wine at a scabby local carnival and your friend stopped you at a striped tent with a buzzing neon sign that says ‘PLAM REEDINGZ’ and you collectively decided that it would be a stellar idea to have your fortune told, just this once, by a one-eyed carnie. It’s ok. People make mistakes.

But no, you have a psychic that you see regularly enough to call them ‘yours’. You have paid them $100+ a session MORE THAN ONCE. And you’re paying them to tell you things about you that you already know. After all, most of their advice or ‘visions’ are so general that they apply to most people and you will nod when they get to some statement that sounds remotely familiar. We’re humans–we naturally make connections in our minds and we naturally try to organize the world into some semblance of order. Probability says that your psychic is bound to get some prediction about your life right, and when they do, you will hold on to that shred of success for as long as you have money in your wallet.

Now, I’m going to save some of the ladies (and maybe some of the men) out there a good deal of money and dignity by sharing a little secret with you. What if I told you that you might already have your very own psychic? Look no further than your very own hairdresser. I’m telling you that you need only shell out that dough once. If you have a hairdresser, and I mean one that you regularly go to, they provide the exact same service as a psychic, with the added benefits of a) making you look awesome, b) not making creepy wavy hand gestures unless there’s a pair of scissors involved, and c) probably not ripping you off.

How does your hairdresser perform the exact same service as a psychic? You sit in the stylist’s chair and you tell them your life’s story. Your money problems, boyfriend problems, mother-in-law problems seem to just spill out to this person who hardly knows you, yet they know you so well. Your third-party hairdresser pretends to understand, nodding all the while and at least appearing to agree with you. They then give you unresearched, opinionated advice that you take seriously because they don’t really know you and must be able to see something that you, your friends, and family can’t.

“You should totally dump him. He’s cheating on you.”

“You have great ideas! You’re going to be rich. And I’ll keep doing your hair without raising the price!”

“Oh, if you open your own retail store, it’ll fail in three years. Seriously. I’m telling you.”

1337333319_379488726_1-Pictures-of--free-psychic-reading-732-829-9870Here’s a test. Ask yourself the following: is there something in your life that you could enjoy more or do better at? Is that thing involved in your career? Do you feel that people just don’t understand you or don’t give you the opportunities you know you deserve? What if I told you that once you started setting more goals, stop being afraid to ask your supervisor for help or for a performance review, or start going above and beyond at work, that you will have a promotion in the next few years? There, I just analyzed your problems at work and gave you some advice that might work for you. And if it does, you’ll come back to me for advice–over and over again. In fact, I just got some new curtains and a tablecloth at home, and I’m putting up a neon ‘PLAM REEDINGZ’ sign as we speak. Want to come over?

In the end, you’re welcome to believe whatever you’d like to believe. I’m not saying psychics aren’t intuitive or can’t give you good advice. I’m saying they’re like unlicensed counsellors–they may have good intuition and may give you some good pieces of advice, but they don’t see your future.

NOTE: If you see a psychic, don’t worry; I still love you, and if needing an external opinion on your life is what you need right now and you’re willing to pay someone who says they have ESP to do it, that’s ok. These things happen. And all the amazing hairdressers I know give GREAT advice–just saying! But can someone please make a ‘bad advice stylist’ meme for all the stereotypes out there? Here, I’ll start you off:


Bad Advice Stylist