The human body is gross

Aside from the obvious bodily functions (you know which functions I’m talking about), the human body is just plain weird. Sit down and really think about it. We take everything our body does for granted because it’s part of life. Everything is relative, and we’re just used to all the things we do on a daily basis. It’s not weird to us because we’re humans. But imagine aliens from that crazy new diamond planet decided to come to Earth on vacation and check it out (oh, they also happen to speak English–bonus).

Ew.

Earth trip – Day 12

Dear diary,

Humans seem to be invincible, if you give them enough time. I saw one trip on the ground, and they opened a wound in one of their lower tentacles. Red liquid began to pour out of the opening and the human began to leak water (my chemical readings suggest NaCl). I decided to track this human out of curiosity. Only a few days later, the opening had repaired itself! I am confused.

Love,

Xghr709!01

Earth trip – Day 15

Dear diary,

I’ve noticed that most humans have strange wires growing from the tops of their bodies. Most are long, but some seem to stop at the ears. What are these wires for? They’re straight or wavy and appear in different frequencies on the color spectrum (except for infrared–I only saw one human like that). Do these tangles keep them warm? They also have hard claws but don’t use them to catch prey. Like the head wires, though they don’t seem to stop growing, I believe they are useless.

Love,

Xghr709!01

Earth trip – Day 16

Dear diary,

Sometimes humans make frightening sounds from their face holes. I believe it is often due to irritants. I witnessed a violent burst of air coming from one such face hole, which contained a large quantity of moisture. Another human said “bless you”. Is this a what they call a ‘religious experience’? I am still learning.

Love,

Xghr709!01

Earth trip – Day 18

Dear diary,

This is my last day on Earth, and I am still so in awe. They put things in their biggest face hole. I do not understand. Do they process these items? Their inner tubes massage these things down into their bodies. Perhaps they are like human ‘quarries’ and have some sort of way to create building materials from the ‘food’. What fascinating machines!

Love,

Xghr709!01

See? Human bodies are WEIRD. You just think they’re normal because you’re used to them.

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